Today I logged into Facebook and found that I had been removed from my husband’s family messenger chats. This seemed senseless and felt hurtful to me. Especially since I had written a nice message to my husband’s siblings. It read as follows:
Hi guys I know this is odd getting a message from me, but I wanted to let you all know that (gay husband) is going through some really hard stuff right now and I’m concerned about his emotional well-being. He’s started down a journey, and while ultimately it’s a good thing, it’s going to be painful for a while. I can’t go into detail because it’s his story to tell. But he could really use your unconditional love and support right now. Thanks for reading. I consider you all family…
Did I disparage him in any way? Did I out him to his family?
So why this response? If I view them as family and am obviously concerned about my husband’s wellbeing, why would they remove me as if I was an enemy all of a sudden?
There’s only one explanation.
My soon-to-be-ex must have told them some negative things about me. He would have had to make things up. Which isn’t surprising, since he’s trying to convince me that I’m up to no good. I’ve printed out the nasty emails he’s sent, in case I need to protect myself or my kids in court.
I’m taking the high road. Being the bigger person. Not getting sucked in. It’s obvious to me that he’s trying to provoke me. To get me to argue with him. This wasn’t something he did during our marriage, although he would occasionally say provocative things, like a child, to get a response. But this nastiness is new. I don’t recognize him anymore.
I am not in the business of making enemies. Why do people want to make me theirs?
This too shall pass.
It’s my new motto. These painful, frightening feelings are temporary. They’ll go away. A year from now, I’ll look back on this time and think, “Wow that was a hard time. But now I’m doing amazingly well. I’m happy. I love my new job. The kids are thriving. I’m doing ok financially. Everything is good.”
This, too, shall pass.